Thursday, February 19, 2009

Our lives to change

In life, we can either change or be changed. Perhaps, being the actor in changing your life is probably more meaningful than being a passive recipient of change. Having a resemblance of control over change is more satisfying. However, too many things in life change and things change too quickly for us to always be an active change agent. Sometimes we have to welcome change or at least accept it and just move along in life. We have to understand the changes that are going on in our lives. Then change becomes less painful and even enjoyable.

“Ignorance is always afraid of change” says Jawaharlal Nehru. Things that are familiar to us give us comfort, but change introduces us to new and strange things. The uncertainty of change and its effect on us is probably the source of our fears for change. Hence, we have to learn – learn about the world around us, learn how things work, learn about actions and consequences, learn about people and their responses to their environment, and learn about life in general. Carl Rogers, the psychologist noted for his contributions towards the Humanistic approach sees people and change as “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.”

If change is difficult enough for us, then it is probably much more difficult to change others. Leadership is about change. Probably, there has never been a leader acclaimed for maintaining a status quo. If learning and understanding makes change easier for us, then the same applies to changing others. According to Mandela “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world”. People need to understand what they need to do, why they need to change, how the change will affect them, and how they can play a role in the change process. People will accept change better if they know what the change is about. Knowing gives them the resemblance of control over their lives and the changes associated with their lives. Sharon Stone, the actress provides a perspective on change and people “People don't change their behavior unless it makes a difference for them to do so.”

Changes make a difference, and hopefully those changes improve our lives and those of others. Leaders want change probably because they believe that the present situation is not good – for them and their followers. Hopefully the changes that leaders bring about can benefit more people and indeed bring an improvement to their livelihoods. Nevertheless, if we want change, then preferably we have to lead the change. It is better than just wait for change to happen. As Barack Obama puts it “Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” Therefore, do what you need to do. Lead that change.

25 comments:

  1. hi Dr...my friend once wrote to me,"people don't change...they improve." She is now in the US, pursuing her doctorate. For me, when you improve yourself of course it will involve change as well...not just any change but a major one.In Islam we have the term or concept of Hijrah...it is equivalent to change right? A change in the mind set... a paradigm shift...all those involve change, am i right Dr? But it is human nature...to be afraid of change.Merely because they are comfortable with what they have now...or because they are afraid of the unknown...should ever they take that first big step to change.I have just gone through a HUGE change in my life last February 16, perhaps one fine day I will share with you my story. Babai Dr...u r forever my sifu...my dear cikgu...

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  2. Thanks for the acknowledgement. As accepted in our previous discussions, a xi fu learns from others as well. One of the creator’s greatest gifts to mankind is the potential to learn, and learning is change – the least probably being a change in the amount of information and possibly a change in paradigm at the other extreme (assuming a finite continuum). We may also pick up new skills and use our knowledge to go about our everyday life and accomplish many feats. Yes, hopefully we improve ourselves through learning, but improvement is relative. Remember, what may be good to us may not be the same for others. After all, we have witnessed the terrible acts that people do to each other in the name of what they believe to be right for them.

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  3. Hmm...i have this wallpaper on my computer that says..."it is always in the winds of change that we find our true direction..." and i stick closely by it...

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  4. Be sure not to let the change in the wind blow you off the course.

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  5. Salam dr. I m a friend to a few of your students and heard a lot of your wisdom. Anyway, talking about 'going thru change'there are many times in our lives we have to change with the changes in our lives whether we like it or not. There are many unpredictable things which happened to people and it is how we cope with the unexpectedness and go thru life. As for me i truly believe that most of the time, there are blessing in disguise for all the changes that we, unwillingly, have to go thru. So for those who are going thru all these "changes" in lives, planned or unplanned, be brave and strong and take things as they come.

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  6. Don't believe everything you hear. Nevertheless, I don't disagree with your contentions on change and our response to these changes. It depends on us to accept the notion if there are indeed silver linings attached to changes. Most times thinking this way serves to console our sorrow or heighten our gratefulness. I believe that total acceptance of fate is more important rather than trying to find a rationale for the things that happen to you.

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  7. thanks for your words of caution, dr... insyaAllah, I'll remain staying on the right course... I agree that "redha" is the best medicine in facing changes, but having been strategically trained, my brain sometimes asks the highest order of question i.e. "why". The answers to this 3-letter word could really bring businesses and organisations back into business if the plans are strategically executed, but in life, the answers can sometimes make you feel like "executing" someone...hahaa.aa..a.!

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  8. Salam...EAST TIGRESS??? hehehe...how r u different from the western ones? Jawab...jangan tak jawab...ekekekek....

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  9. Why? It’s a philosophical and analytical question, probing deep into the core of existence, challenging and questioning the assumptions of truth and reality. Confronted with the question, one may become unsettled while others may just brush the question aside, preferring the simple, trouble-free alternative of just getting along with life.

    On the home front, “whys” can get prickly. Consider the simple, apparently innocent question “Why are you late”? Now, that’s a difficult question to answer. Your senses begin to heighten and your defense mechanism is triggered as you ponder the reasons behind the question. Perhaps no simple answer will suffice. The truth, innocent as it can be, would probably be inadequate. This is probably a good time to pull out the chair and begin examining the assumptions on the issue. Start the inquiry and dialogue.

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  10. Wa'alaikumussalam wbt...emilovesyoe! I guess the eta value for Dr Kidin's description of east tigress is already quite high; solitary hunter, generally nocturnal, territorial but above all monogamous. And how different it is from the western ones is obvious... east tigress is able to answer your salam in full! And east tigress has gone through lots of changes throughout the years...from the western extreme to totally eastern...but still remains gggrrrr inside... chowie bebeh!

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  11. errmmmm Dr....
    looks like we wont be hearing from east tigress until late evening...shes busy with the PTA report (Biro Akademik la katakan...hehehehe)....although her alter ego is east tigress, in reality shes a pious lady and devoted mommy....may ALLAH bless her...Amin...and u 2 Dr....Amin...
    Salam.

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  12. bebeh...dont 4get to book my place for Prof TJ's class...salam...c u....

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  13. Why is indeed a question that challenges and questions the assumptions of truth and reality. I would only allow this question be asked not more that 5 times...Why 5? well, it's quite ironic that I use the analogy of "striptease" to get to the core. How many pieces of clothes can one possibly wear? Well, don't get too imaginative, but I guess 5 could be the most in this climate. Why ask "why" only 5 times and not more? Because otherwise, you'll be in "analysis paralysis". Too bad, even if the simple truth does not suffice, that's not the problem of the one who provides the answer so long the answer is indeed the truth. And from observations and experience, we can actually tell if one is telling the truth after 5 whys... then it's up to us to move on or to still be paralysed. Bottom line, give the best in whatever we do, be it telling the truth, doing things, or whatever...and if others still don't except it, just "ggrrrr" and move on..! The assumption in probing for answer for "why" should be that everyone is in their purest form of nature to tell the truth...

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  14. why spell accept as "except"? ahahhahahahhaa...because i was in the midst of preparing other things when I was writing that particular word... but why? because i was careless... and why correct it now? because it's really a shame to see it spelt that way...hhuuhuhuuu...
    okeh, emilovesyoe...c u later!

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  15. That's an interesting analogy. I hope a corset is one of the articles that have to be shed, along with the many veils that restrict our views on reality. A good dialogue should liberate learners so they can responsibly explore the depths of their worldview, question assumption underlying thoughts and actions, and examine prejudices that they may harbor.

    Also, don’t worry about the occasional errors in spelling, grammar or choice of words. Mistakes are normal and we shall never persecute you for those sporadic slips. While, I myself, with all my shortfalls, will not be excluded from making such faux pas, I will stand corrected if you take the trouble to point out the error in my ways – given that it is indeed the truth. But of course, where lays truth?

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  16. Salam Dr.
    Change is very broad and subjective issue yet quite interesting since every single individual has to to with change process, whether like it or not.Agreed with what Sharon Stone said.."we change if we can see and get benefits out of it", otherwise who cares about change.

    Ironically in this present situation, regardless any belief or view, many people talk about change but they themselves refuse to change, especially leaders who supposed to lead the change. while in certain cases, leader who initiate the change to community end up being rejected by his/her own people. Resistance seems to be more powerful than acceptance.

    Personally I think the best change must be triggered inside individual's mind first, the moment our mind start thinking like..'oh what had happen to me, its time for me to change..." is the most righteous moment to accept the guide/change. But the question is how and what is the most effective way to make any sound mind think like that?

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  17. Truth lies in the eye of the beholder...like beauty. It is multifaceted; comprises of beliefs, assumptions, experiences, and could be influenced by one's principles or moral rules of what is right and what is wrong. A confession can be the whole truth for one, but merely a statement insufficient to satisfy another. When one claims to be telling the truth, there are 3 versions of truth that come along with it; 1. the actual truth that happened, 2. the truth as interpreted by the beholder, and 3. the truth that only HE knows for sure. And man can only examine the truth of 1 and 2...

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  18. salam etomyam...i'm very much interested in your post. i would love to see comments from others on your questions. to me, even an eagle needs a push...

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  19. @east tigress: w'salam, indeed change need decision making process while making decision itself depends on possible outcome resulted from the action taken...and you're absolutely right, thats the nature since the 'Qiyamuhu Binafsihi' was not given to all creatures.

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  20. Salam....and Hi all....i am very interested in etomyam's quote of Sharon Stone which said.."we change if we can see and get benefits out of it", otherwise who cares about change.of course...if we are already comfortable with what we have now...why bother to change? why do we need to repaint the living room if the colour is stll soothing to the eyes? Why change the upholstery if it is still comfortable for the family...Why change our job if we r already a boss? (hehehehehe)
    Who would want to deliberately change for the worst? maybe some will but perhaps there will be some element sacifice for others i guess...
    yrah...why change if we are already there at our destination....we only change if we think there would be room for improvement plus if we will gain some sort of benefit....

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  21. Change is dynamic...and constant. It involves many other facets in our lives, from our innate beliefs, self esteem, to other people in our lives. Change can spice up our lives...that's why we still find people seek change despite their perfect lives. Change provides feel good factors that we can no longer find in our existing lives. The status quo is not something that could reach equilibrium stage for a long time, it will somehow get destabilised sometimes for no good reason. As long as our senses are alive and responsive, change is inevitable...whether you like it or not. Change, or be changed.

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  22. nano...nano....Salam Dr Kidin...i think its tyme oredi 4 u to post another topic....huhuhuhu
    (jom tukau tajuk lain lah...lama sangat dah citer change...hehehehe)

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  23. agggrrree with nani...time to CHANGE!

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  24. You see Dr, people need more space to share ideas and opinions. Agree with NANI and East tigress....change topic he he, how about something light and easy....while waiting for new topic here you're invited to visit my link at http://bolehblog.malayaonline.com/.

    BTW just to inform you that the proposed discussion board/platform is already setup and currently undergoing rapid construction...(finished all the assignments), take a peek and give some ideas how you want it to be...the link: http://coffeetable.malayaonline.com/

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  25. Sorry for the tardiness in posting a new topic. Anyway, I hope you will enjoy my new post. Have fun.

    P.S.
    Enjoyed reading all your comments. Do keep them coming.

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